Training in Sincerity (2)

THERE is another kind of lie possible for the child, one that has moral significance, and that is the lie told with the actual intention of deceiving.

He may categorically deny his guilt when accused of a fault he has actually committed, or he may invent falsehoods through vanity. In the first instance he is seeking to exonerate himself; in the second, to make himself more important.

Often the reason the child tells the first kind of lie is that the punishment he gets for his little pranks and misdemeanors is out of all proportion to his offense. So many parents punish under the influence of anger that cruel words, exaggerated expressions and sometimes mean acts escape them. The child unable to resist by strength seeks to escape by deceit.

Sometimes the child lies for the sole satisfaction of excusing himself; not to mention the case, which is not at all fantastic, where the child lies for the sake of lying through an unhealthy tendency which is fortunately rare. In cases of this kind, the little offender must be shown how ugly such a fault is, how unworthy of him and how saddening for his parents.

Wise indeed was the mother who used the following technique on her four-year-old daughter the first time she tried to deceive her.

“My little girl has lied to me. This is the first time that anyone has lied in this house; therefore my little one may not have any dessert today because she deserves to be punished and mamma will not eat either because she will not be able to; she feels too sad.”

Even when children are older such a method is good. A certain colonel had entrusted his sixteen-year-old son with the honor of keeping the flag of his regiment in his room; he took the privilege away from him as a punishment for a small lie.

The following counsel ought to be adopted as principles of conduct by those who want to inculcate an appreciation of sincerity in their children:

To create and to maintain an atmosphere of loyalty, uprightness, and utter truth in the home; to instill a horror of sham, pretense, playing-up through policy; to encourage simplicity in everything; to take it for granted that no one will seek to pass for what he is not; that if one has done wrong he will admit it; to refrain from upbraiding; and to tolerate no tattling; and to praise another for his truthfulness particularly if it cost him something.

• Never set an example of lying or give any encouragement to lying. No bluff: “When the teacher asks you if you did your homework all alone say yes.” None of that!
• Never give a child the impression that we believe him to be a liar, but rather manifest confidence in him. That will encourage him to be truthful and develop his self-respect.
• Never demand any immediate avowal of faults in the presence of others.
• Never laugh at any clever little lie told by the child to get out of facing up to a mistake or fault.
• Never lose an opportunity of praising for honesty and reproving for duplicity.

The last and most important of all advice is to inculcate in the child the sense of the Divine Presence. Help him realize that God is everywhere, as the proverb puts it, “God sees a black ant on the blackest marble in the blackest night.” Above all, help him to understand that God dwells in the depths of his baptized soul. “You are a living ciborium. You can deceive your parents, your playmates, and your friends. God accompanies you everywhere: Be firm out of respect for the divine Guest who does not leave you.”