Endurance

ABBE PERREYVE wrote to a young man of twenty who had told him of his hopes to marry.

“Ah, my friend, next to the happiness of serving God in consecrated virginity, what is more beautiful than to link one’s life with that of a cherished woman; to share one’s whole soul, that is all his sorrows; to begin with her that brief pilgrimage on which there are so many joys and tears that there is scarcely time to do a little good? What is more worthy of an immortal soul than to give his love in youth to the soul he must love always and before God to purify the ardor of his desires by submitting them to the duties of fidelity and of paternity?

“Do not laugh at love as those foolish souls do who are incapable of it. There is no nobler word among men. Love is not the pleasure, not the selfishness of enjoyment; it is not the delusion of a brutal passion. The one who loves gives himself more than anything else. The highest degree of love is sacrifice. That is why he only knows how to love who immolates his rest, his joys, his fortune even life itself for the being he ought to love on earth and in heaven.”

Wherever marriage is seriously and correctly regarded the word sacrifice is part of its vocabulary. There is no doubt about it, marriage brings with it the sweetest of human joys that can be tasted on this earth; but it also involves self-abnegations that are essential.

The Countess of Adhemar wrote to Abbe Fremont, “Man and woman are united, not as they often believe with the best faith in the world, to give each other happiness, but, in reality, to seek it of each other. As their individual concepts of happiness may differ, there ensues for both of them a painful awakening.”

In that excellent bulletin, “Association du Marriage,” Chretien carried a fine article by an author who identified himself with the initials C.B. The ideas expressed in it have much to contribute here.

“Love is not a bargain, it is not even an exchange; it is a sacrifice which should always be mutual. Each giving up and sacrificing the best of himself so that the best of the other’s self may live and grow.

“Clearly the great test is endurance. Oh, if only the honeymoon could last forever. But that cannot be. They must pass from blind love to clear-sighted love; time requires this transformation but “the line” is not easy to cross—it is not easy to go from the torrid to the temperate zone. They must protect themselves against being deluded about this.

“‘Two young people go up to the altar for the beautiful nuptial ceremony,’ writes Father Lacordaire, ‘They bring with them all the joy and all the sincerity of their youth; they swear eternal love for each other. But soon their joy diminishes, fidelity stumbles, the eternity of their pledges is broken to bits. What happened? Nothing. Hour followed hour; they are what they were except for one hour more. But one hour is much.’”

The author adds it is true “outside of God.”

To triumph over time, over its duration, over monotony, over the friction resulting from character differences which become more evident with time, a supernatural spirit is absolutely necessary; it alone is able to call forth sacrifice, persevering sacrifice inspired by love.